Two charged over house invasion

The rest of the batteries will remain flat until a verdict is reached.

Penguin to undergo more treatment

Wallace and Gromit agree that things are not quite right yet, despite intensive therapy.

Ash cloud remains, passengers spend weekend on

I guess that's the last time I offer to cook dinner!

Facebook Users are Friendlier, More Trusting

Turns out all that fuss and bother with security settings and lawsuits, and stuff was just a smokescreen.

Everything is alright. Stop with the noise.

Move along. Nothing to see here.

Black hole shreds star, sparking gamma ray flash

School says parents are to blame, and struggle to see what they could have done differently.

Number of weddings falls to all-time low

Blame falls fairly and squarely on the death of Liz Taylor.

Speed contributing factor in crash

Unlike other accidents, this one involved things moving!

Further destruction inside the Red Zone

Sub-standard capability and a general lack of patience are both contributing to disturbing statistics.

Frankly people, you need to learn how to park!

Scots poised to help tackle drought

Scotsmen are rushing to assist with drought problems. In one big line. "Just picture Braveheart, and you'll get the idea," their spokesman said. "Scotsman were born to do this. Kilts make it so simple. Stand aside."

New Zealanders are restless sleepers

"Australia simply too damn close after recent earthquakes," locals complain.

Police search for evidence

"This sure is weird," constable claims. "We certainly never had to do this before."

Students forced to flee ranges

School kids terrorised by wayward stoves run for their lives. Parents claim "it's all just another excuse to avoid their night to cook." Kitchens take heat.

Scientists solve mystery of White Terraces

Paint.