Fake Apple stores story could be a fake

I can play this came...

Fake report about fake Apple stores story could be fake.

There we go...

Photo of reptile in eastern Ontario pond is a fake, say police

Good God, have people taken leave of their senses? Everyone knows there aren't any ponds in Ontario! Jeeze.

High dollar the new norm

Loose morals and liberal thinking have invaded even our banking systems.

From here on in, we should not expect bank teller to be remotely sober. In fact, if we're really lucky, they will only have imbibed the legal stuff.

Lenovo's 3 New Tablets Pack Some Surprises

An insider, on condition of anonymity, told us that Moses was a little surprised, and a whole lot pissed!

"Isn't it a little late for new commandments?" he's reported to have said. "Thou shalt not? I'm over it."

New moon found orbiting Pluto

Not even Stephanie Meyer can explain how it is that a copy of the second book in her Twilight vampire series has been found orbiting around Pluto.

It is noted, however, that the sun don't shine there much, which would suit Edward just fine!

Astronauts pack up for last shuttle ride home

... and their mothers are somewhat pissed. "The next time they go for a joyride without permission, there will be hell to pay!" one of them told us.

24 Small Towns May Lose Air Service

It's official.

A group of small towns are officially required to exist from here on in without using any oxygen.

Local authorities blame population pressure from third-world countries.



"First it was carbon tax, and now it's oxygen withdrawal. Next they'll be saying we don't warrant the provision of time, or the third dimension," said a representative, under condition of anonymity, but not dimension withdrawal. "We vow to continue, air or not!," he continued, but I could no longer see him.

Two charged over house invasion

The rest of the batteries will remain flat until a verdict is reached.

Penguin to undergo more treatment

Wallace and Gromit agree that things are not quite right yet, despite intensive therapy.

Ash cloud remains, passengers spend weekend on

I guess that's the last time I offer to cook dinner!

Facebook Users are Friendlier, More Trusting

Turns out all that fuss and bother with security settings and lawsuits, and stuff was just a smokescreen.

Everything is alright. Stop with the noise.

Move along. Nothing to see here.

Black hole shreds star, sparking gamma ray flash

School says parents are to blame, and struggle to see what they could have done differently.

Number of weddings falls to all-time low

Blame falls fairly and squarely on the death of Liz Taylor.

Speed contributing factor in crash

Unlike other accidents, this one involved things moving!

Further destruction inside the Red Zone

Sub-standard capability and a general lack of patience are both contributing to disturbing statistics.

Frankly people, you need to learn how to park!

Scots poised to help tackle drought

Scotsmen are rushing to assist with drought problems. In one big line. "Just picture Braveheart, and you'll get the idea," their spokesman said. "Scotsman were born to do this. Kilts make it so simple. Stand aside."

New Zealanders are restless sleepers

"Australia simply too damn close after recent earthquakes," locals complain.

Police search for evidence

"This sure is weird," constable claims. "We certainly never had to do this before."

Students forced to flee ranges

School kids terrorised by wayward stoves run for their lives. Parents claim "it's all just another excuse to avoid their night to cook." Kitchens take heat.

Scientists solve mystery of White Terraces

Paint.